[Tethys Carrack]

Tethys sits cross-legged on an upturned crate just outside her barracks unit, eyes closed, hands resting loosely on her thighs. Her thermal cloak is folded nearby, near at hand but not quite needed yet while the day's temperature curve is still on its upward slope. Her breath slows to a drowsy whisper as she sends her consciousness down and in to herself and outward through the Force at the same time.

She reflects on the last twenty-four hours, and the disquieting knot sitting under her breastbone ever since the death of the sand demon yesterday afternoon.

Yes, death, because you killed it.

It would have killed someone else! Azura couldn't run, Arali had no weapon...

Search your memories. You know that isn't true.

But--

The trap was set. All you had to do was drive it in. Not smash it like an unwanted toy.

But I was afraid...

Yes, and angry. And you chose to let it control your actions.

Not had to. Chose.

I know...

Her eyes move uneasily beneath closed lids.

---
D6 MM--meditating on her poor life choices, Discipline+Force: 2eP+2eA+1eB+2eF 5 successes, 2 advantage, 1 Triumph, 1 Light Side, 1 Dark Side

[Tethys Carrack]

She responded to herself, “You made the right decision. You could either let it terrorize more people or end it, return it to the Force. You think we are the first jedi Knight to draw on the Dark Side in a moment of weakness?”

“Master Bastila Shan fell to the Dark Side and was redeemed, we are a far cry from falling. If anything we did what needed to be done. What had to be done.”

[Tethys Carrack]

Yes, weakness. It wasn't necessary, wasn't the only way to contain it. Arali had another way. I was impatient, afraid. I wanted to show myself that even though it hurt me I was the stronger one, I had power over it.

I was stronger, but I should have believed that already. Why did I need to prove it?

Hundreds of ships' crew and many Jedi died because Bastila Shan fell. How many lives were scarred that would have been whole? It's better to be redeemed than to fall forever, but isn't is better still not to fall at all?

It must be.

[Arali Zian]

"Maybe you just didn't trust me?" Arali said.

[Tethys Carrack]

I was scared for you. You were badly hurt. The invention you were so proud of had just fallen to pieces in your hands.

What would you do next?

Would the trap really work? Were you about to sacrifice yourself?

Even if you were... whatever you were doing, it was your choice. Perhaps I should have have trusted you to make it.

Even though I could protect you from it.

[Azura Mora]

“And you did, you killed the creature. If you had not killed it, it would have killed one of us. You did what needed to be done,” she said angrily.

“The Dark Side is nothing more than a mystery, if you fully understood it, you would be better for it.”

[Tethys Carrack]

No. There were other ways. There is always a choice.

It didn't need to happen like that. What understanding could I gain by striking out in fear?

I did not feel wiser. I just felt... more afraid.

You were so afraid already, of the beast and of us. I should have been a better example for you.

The Force is full of things I don't understand, endless mysteries to fathom. I don't need to seek the one that asks me to give up pieces of myself...

[Tethys Carrack]

“So you will sacrifice nothing for others?” she responded to herself.

[Tethys Carrack]

For others... yes, maybe. If they need me to, if it's truly the best choice.

For power and knowledge... no. Not if getting it means I have to trade away the parts of me that want to help in the first place.

In the physical world, Tethys grits her teeth unconsciously.

That ungrateful child Azura... in the little empty space where we unraveled ourselves to kill the beast, we wanted to smash her too for her insolence. You know it's true. That can't be part of me.

It can't. I reject it.

[Dapper Dog]

“There can be calm in the darkness, there can be peace… peace when those that oppose us have been removed from our sight. You only have to ask and a new world could be yours,” another voice interjected.

[Dapper Dog]

Resmi Thun.jpg (28.17 KiB) Viewed 6160 times

Grand Master Resmi Thun broke through the fog and said softly, “You will stumble, child. It is a constant path, this journey. You are no more diminished than before you stumbled. You might just be greater for it, dearie.”

“Now open those eyes, and be the Jedi Knight you are. Now if will excuse me, I have younglings to attend to.”

[Tethys Carrack]

Tethys's eyelids snap open. The glaring light of a cloudless morning immediately beats in on her vision, and she blinks rapidly, bringing a hand up to partially shield her eyes until they adjust.

She takes a deep breath. The desert air is so dry it hurts her nose, but the knot in her chest feels lessened. Unfolding her legs from the box and getting to her feet, she stretches upward with lazy ease, lips curving upward into a faint smile.

Lots to do today.

/scene!