Bankor

With the day coming close to it's end, Veeone marched into the medical area without being stopped feeling ready to discharge the second directive of it's programming.

"Greetings fellow medical staff. This droid stands ready to implement medical protocols."

Layne entered shortly after the droid did.

"Uhh..." she saw it, along with a handful of other droids, "what's the protocol on getting patched for some bruises around here?"

She hated medical droids. They never seemed to do their job properly.

Veeone turned to a soft whir of servos operating at 99.97% efficiency.

"Greetings human designated as Patient Zero Zero One. Please make your way to the nearest medical bed so we may begin diagnostic procedures."

It would have sounded perfect if not for the fact the droid was still festooned with several grenades and had a heavy blaster cannon in it's hands.

"Uhm..." she looked at the armaments, "...aren't you a battle droid?"

"This Unit is Veeone Veeoh, Battlefield Support Specialist, programmed for primary combat assault and . . . whirrrr klik . . . medical protocols."

The blue slashed droid engaged the safety on it's blaster cannon and slung it across it's heavy armoured backpack.

"Please proceed this way, patient Zero Zero One, before diagnosis there is a 34% chance of patient expiration before saviour protocols can be applied."

"Okay," she started to follow along, then stopped. "Wait, what?"

Veeone paused and swivelled back towards Layne.

"There is a 34% chance of expiration before diagnosis is completed in battlefield triage. I suggest we expedite your diagnosis to avoid this unhappy statistic."

"Okay," she started following along, then stopped again. "Wait, what?"

Once again Veeone stopped and swivelled towards Layne.

"Continued delay of diagnosis is increasing the probability of a dangerous expiration. This is a primary symptom of Lenkarian Swamp Fever. Has your secondary proboscis blocked and ceased functioning?"

"What? Swamp fewever? And I don't even know what a pro... look, I just have some bruises and sore muscles from a fight I got into earlier. Nothing like that."

There was a slight whirr as Veeone's optical instruments refocused.

"You are not suffering any inflammation of the Bekovian Node or your Foctyl Tenagens?"

"Look, maybe I should talk to a person?" her head craned, looking for someone flesh and blood.

"It would be more efficient for to just recline on this bed please, Patient Zero Zero One, and this droid will commence diagnostic protocols."

It flexed it's left arm and a fusion cutter flame sparked to life. There was a another slight whirr of servos as the droid focused on the flame before it winked out and a scanner probe deployed from a different opening on the same arm.

"Uh, yeah, no thanks. I would prefer a human doctor," she said, and quickly went in search of one, presumably eventually finding one; regardless of whether or not the crazy droid was following her.



(getting the roll out of the way, 2 wounds healed:)
Medical Staff D1 heal: 1eA+2eP+1eB+1eD 2 successes, 1 advantage

The completely sane and not crazy at all droid did follow. Fortunately for Layne, it deferred to the senior medical practitioner.

Afterwards though . . .

"I am concerned about the amount of sodium in your bloodstream, it may cause . . . "

There was a pause and a whining of overstressed servos.

"File Not Found."

Veeone's eyes flashed red for a second.

"That does not compute!"

"Thanks, that's a little better," she told the very human doctor, who then moved on to the next patient.

Leaving Layne alone with the deranged droid.

"...right?"

"Apologies Patient Zero Zero One. Veeone is currently running diagnostics on it's medical processor and database."

Veeone's head swivelled and a brief burst of binary was emitted.

"Estimated completion in 134.2 seconds."

"Okay," she slapped the thing's shoulder, or what passed for one, and got up from the chair she'd probably been sitting in during the real doctor's treatment. "Well, good luck with that."

Layne would have discovered that the droid had very firm armour plating on that shoulder despite it's slender appearance.

Veeone however continued running it's diagnostics, a slight hum emitting from the droid's torso.

Layne did not care much about defective droids and their internal diagnostics. Not enough to wait around on it. Certainly not considering the thing was liable to burn the place to the ground to deal with a non-existent infection or something.

So, with that, the young Jedi would try to get away from the machine.

Unfortunately for Layne the droid proved more efficient than expected. After only 52.36 seconds it beeped, emitted a burst of binary and turned to face Layne.

"Diagnostics complete. No errors or defective systems found. Does Patient Zero Zero One require immediate treatment for Lenkarian Swamp Fever or should Veeone request a surgeon to schedule corrective surgery?"

She groaned. "I don't have Lenkarian Swamp Fever. Why don't you go find an engineer to take a proper look at you because you're obviously malfunctioning."

"Diagnostics do not show any malfunctions. Patient Zero Zero One was exhibiting possible symptoms of a lethal condition. It would be against programming not to inform Patient Zero Zero One of the treatments available."

Two needles, which Layne would recognise immediately as standard stimpack injectors slid in and out of the droid's left hand fingers four times while it spoke.

"Stab me with those," she gestured toward the injectors, "without my permission, and I stab you with my lightsaber. Do you understand?"

"That would contravene medical protocols. If Patient Zero Zero One is unconscious she cannot give consent for stimpack injection, yet medical protocol clearly states that stimpack injection is the primary action to take for an unconscious patient in the first instance."

He looked across and then back quickly.


"Your request does not compute!"